


without feeling love too, i wanna be close to you

by evilsoda



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dangan Ronpa Spoilers, Grief/Mourning, M/M, PLEASE DONT READ THIS IF YOU HAVENT FINISHED SDR2 CHAPTER 4!!!, Soda Kazuichi Being Dumb, THE TITLE IS FROM THOSE EGGS ARENT DIPPY I JUST COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE, Yo mama, souda is gay and he doesn't realize, subtle soniakane for the soul
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:47:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26151358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evilsoda/pseuds/evilsoda
Summary: Kazuichi Souda decided to not go.
Relationships: Soda Kazuichi/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	without feeling love too, i wanna be close to you

“Kazuichi, come on… It’s his funeral. Won’t you at least stay for a second?” Hajime sighed and crossed his arms.   
  
“No! I’m not going to Tanaka’s funeral! Why would I wanna go to  _ his _ funeral?!” Souda exclaimed.   
  
“Fine, fine… you do you, I guess. Fuyuhiko, Sonia, Chiaki, Akane, Nagito and I are gonna be there, so we’ll be gone for a while. If you need anything, you can just go and tell us.” The brown haired boy said, turning away and making his way out of the mechanic’s cottage.   
  
Now it was only him. Only him and his thoughts. Thoughts that would not leave, no matter how hard he tried. Kazuichi sat back down at the bed and blankly stared upwards. The reason why he actually didn’t go was….    
  
He couldn’t handle the fact that Gundham was actually dead.  _ The _ Gundham Tanaka. He’d died. Not much more than a few hours ago. He couldn’t bring himself to accept it. But it was too hard to not miss someone like Tanaka, when he just…    
  
Sure. He was weird. But he was… charming? He didn’t know how to explain it. He just…   
  
He was devastated that Gundham got executed. It didn’t feel the same without him. He just hoped this was a terrible dream. A nightmare. He was going to wake up, right? He just.. had to close his eyes… and then he’d wake up, right?    
  
Right? He… He just had to..   
  
This wasn’t a dream, was it…?   
  
He really wanted to believe it was a dream, but… it wasn’t. Tanaka was dead. Executed. He was gone. There’s nothing he could do about it, and crying about it wasn’t going to help anything. Besides, he was annoying! And weird! There was no reason as to why be sad for him, right? There had to be no reason as to not be sad for him. He had to find one. Because he didn’t want to be sad for him. He didn’t want to be sad for someone as stupid as Gundham. But he couldn’t help it. He  _ loved _ him.   
  
The mechanic groaned and covered his face with a pillow. His emotions were a mess and all over the place. He just wished they vanished. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Gundham. No matter how hard he wanted to, he couldn’t. He needed to stop worrying about him, but his mind wouldn’t allow it. He decided it was better to go to sleep than stay awake worrying about someone that died and who he also sincerely cared about… But he didn’t! He didn’t care about him! He didn’t…. or did he..?   
  
Slowly, he drifted to sleep. It was good. At least sleep would make him feel better.   
  
  
But it wouldn’t last for long. Suddenly, his calm slumber was interrupted by knocks on the door, and a voice calling for his name.   
  
“KAZUICHI! OPEN UP, IT’S BEEN 20 MINUTES! ARE YOU OKAY IN THERE?” The voice said, still knocking on the door.   
  
The mechanic stretched and sighed. He couldn’t even get rest. He stood up and made his way over to the door.   
  
“Alright, alright… what do ya want?” He opened the door, rubbing his eyes. Outside stood Hajime Hinata. It looked very late at night.   
  
“There you are.. I’ve been knocking on your door for 20 minutes. It’s been an hour since the funeral ended.” Hinata crossed his arms and sighed. “You good in there?”   
  
“Psh, yeah. I was just takin’ a nap. Nothing outta the usual.” Kazuichi yawned. “Do you need anything else, or-”   
  
“No, no. I just came here to make sure you were.. y’know, alright. I guess I’ll go now.” Hajime turned around and started to walk away. But shortly after, he felt a grip on his arm.   
  
“Hajime, wait.” Kazuichi said.   
  
“Hm? Is there something you need?” The brown-haired teen raised an eyebrow.   
  
“I wanted to ask you somethin’...” The mechanic looked to the side, and let the other’s arm go.   
  
“Oh, then ask ahead.”   
  
“Is… is anyone still  _ there _ ?” Souda’s gaze looked… almost sad. But he couldn’t be sad! Not now. He was in front of Hajime. It’d be embarrassing to explain why he was sad.   
  
“...Where?” Hinata looked confused.   
  
“On.. on the f-fun-” He sighed. “Forget about it… I’m sorry to have bothered ya.” Kazuichi turned around and started to make his way back inside his cottage.   
  
“Wait, Kazuichi! You wanted to ask if… there still were people at Gundham’s funeral?” Hajime grabbed his arm.   
  
“Y-Yeah… But- Nevermind that. It was stupid of me to ask..” The mechanic turned his gaze away.   
  
“Well… To answer that, I think Sonia was staying for a while more, but I’m sure she left with Akane. They’re very close.” Hajime chuckled.   
  
“S-So… there’s no one there?” Kazuichi’s gaze turned back to Hinata’s.   
  
“Yeah, I’m ninety-nine percent sure there’s no one there. Why do you ask?” The brown haired teen said.   
  
“N-No reason! Y-Yeah, no reason… No reason at all.” Souda laughed nervously. He certainly had a reason. He just… wouldn’t- No,  _ couldn’t _ tell anyone.   
  
“Fine…” Hajime was a little skeptical, but didn’t press. Souda must’ve had a reason as to why he wasn’t telling him. “If you insist. Do you need anything else?”    
  
“Nope. You can… you can leave, now.” Souda waved. “Also please let go of my arm.”   
  
“Oh- Right, sorry.” Hinata let his arm go. “I’ll see you later, then.”    
  
And then Hajime finally left. Souda sighed and closed his door, and immediately went to make himself more presentable. He looked like a mess… more than he already was. He wanted to look presentable if he was going to visit someone.    
  
A few minutes later, he looked slightly better. His hair was messy, but… It was decent. Slowly, he made his way out, making sure no one was watching. He wanted to see it by himself. He  _ needed  _ to see it by himself. His footsteps were the only thing that made a noise through the cold and dark night. His body trembled because of the temperature, but otherwise he didn’t pay it much attention. Eventually he arrived. A few candles were lit, and there was a portrait of Gundham. A few flowers were put there. Everyone left. It was… only them both.    
  


Souda’s expression turned softer when he saw the picture. He knew that Gundham wasn’t alive anymore. He took in a deep breath and stepped forward.   
  
“H-Hey, Gundham… Can you hear me?” The mechanic said, chuckling nervously. Then he remained silent. Who was he even talking to? There was no one here besides from him.   
  
“N-Nevermind. Here… here you go.” He took a small sunflower seed he had in his pocket for some reason and placed it near the portrait. “It’s- It’s not much, but- But it’s.. all I got for now. I promise I’ll get you something better, Hamster-chan.”   
  
Kazuichi looked at the flowers. He must’ve definitely been dating Sonia… He had no chance with him, anyways. He wasn’t someone Tanaka would ever date. Maybe if tomorrow he got the chance, he could ask the princess about it.   
  
He wouldn’t leave him just yet. He just arrived here, after all. He felt like he had to stay a while longer. It would be weird of him to visit him, give him a present and then leave immediately. But first, he had to make sure no one would catch him here. Wouldn’t it be weird to find  _ Kazuichi Souda _ visiting and leaving presents for  _ Gundham Tanaka _ ? He didn’t.. want anyone to know he liked him, either. Not as in,  _ like _ like, but as in “I want to be your friend” like. But it wouldn’t be too far fetched, either. He did like like him.   
  
After spending a few minutes around, he felt footsteps. Footsteps that were getting closer.  _ Shit _ , he thought to himself. He needed to hide somewhere, but… where, exactly?    
  
The steps only kept getting closer. Kazuichi started shaking. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! He needed to hide somewhere  _ now! _ But.. There were no places, and he wasn’t going to jump into a bush and hurt himself while trying to hide something stupid.    
  
He just had to make a dumb excuse… yeah, a dumb excuse.   
  
The steps got closer, until the figure walked in. It was none other than Sonia.   
  
“Oh, Kazuichi! What are you doing here?” The princess tilted her head to the side. The mechanic started to panic in silence.   
  
“Uh- Oh- Miss Sonia, I was- H-He- I mean, I-I was just walking around! Yeah- yeah, that’s what I- That’s what I was doing…” He mumbled, looking to the side.   
  
“Hm… But is this not where Gundham’s funeral took place?” Sonia stated.   
  
“Kh-” Souda covered his mouth. “I-I didn’t- I- I didn’t know-?”   
  
“But there’s a portrait of him clearly visible from the entrance.” The blonde chuckled.   
  
He sighed. “F-Fine… M-Miss Sonia, d-don’t- Don’t call me weird, but… I-I was-” Kazuichi covered his face. “I-I was… visiting him.”   
  
“Oh…” The princess smiled. “So you  _ do _ care for him..”    
  
“N-No-! That’s not it at all! I-I hate him! I-I just- F-Felt like coming here to see what was going on..”    
  
“Hm, but you told me to not call you weird…”    
  
“T-Tch- I just-! I didn’t-”    
  
_ Shit _ . He was running out of ideas on what to say. No excuses came to his head.    
  
“Kazuichi… It’s fine. You do not have to worry. I will not tell anyone.” The princess smiled reassuringly.   
  
“Y-You won’t tell… anyone?” The mechanic moved his hands off his face. “Anyone at all?”   
  
“I will not tell a single soul about this.” Sonia spoke, folding her hands together.   
  
“Th-Thank you, Miss Sonia..” Souda let out a sigh of relief. “I was… Visiting him because I felt guilty I didn’t go earlier. B-But if anyone else were to hear this, I’d probably die…”   
  
“It’s nice to hear that you do care for him, Kazuichi.” The princess let out a gentle laugh.   
  
“Y-Yeah, whatever…” The pink haired teenager crossed his arms. “Oh.. and… Before I go, I have a question. Were… You and Gundham…”   
  
“Hm?” Sonia tilted her head to the side. She gasped softly. “Oh, nonono! We were just close friends! I was not dating him. Why is that question?”   
  
“W-Well- I-I was- I was just curious… and shit…” The mechanic’s face turned a slight shade of pink. “W-Well anyways! I have to get going now… It’s gettin’ late.” He started to walk away.   
  
“Farewell, then. Have a nice sleep!” The blonde smiled and waved gently.   
  
Then Kazuichi arrived at his cottage yet again. Collapsing onto his bed, he started to drift away…   
  
Until he fell asleep.   



End file.
